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Tuesday, July 18, 2006

A Blue Water Morning 

I have always been a big fan of the "home court advantage" when it comes to... well, you know. However, when you spend eight hours working in the same office every day, you're bound to ascend the throne periodically. Of course, when you are in an environment with other people, this can become a bit... icky.

No one is willing to talk about it, but I'm sure everyone has their little routine. You do a scouting run to make sure no one is using your preferred facility. If it's occupied, you pretend you just went in to wash your hands. If someone enters just prior, you keep walking past the door like you were really on your way to somewhere else. It's simply a moment that you are not willing to share with others, right?

OK, so if that last paragraph resonated with you, then you will be able to identify with my joy at having a "Blue Water Morning". You know, when you push open the stall and see that the water is blue and the seat is up, signifying that your tushie will have been the very first to touch it since the overnight cleaning. Yet another sign that God is smiling on you and all is well in the world.

Top Ten Greatest Poophemisms:
  1. Drop a deuce
  2. Pinch a loaf
  3. Fire off a missile
  4. Graduate a new class of Navy Seals
  5. Download some software
  6. Free the prairie dog
  7. Strangle a brown bear in a porcelain cave
  8. Release the chocolate hostages
  9. Take the Browns to the Superbowl
  10. Drop the Cosby kids off at the pool
  1. What is your own favorite "poophemism"?
  2. What is your strategy for "doing the deed" at the office?
  3. What is your feeling about going at other public restrooms or in others' homes?

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Russ... are you kidding me??


First of all I think "Drop a Deuce" should be changed to "Scrump a Deuce", It's fun to say and it can be shortened to Scrump, for example:

Boy 1: Where's jimmy?

Boy 2: Oh he's Scrump'n.

Here's something that has worked for me when the need arises at work: in the bathrooms where I work there are three stalls, I always take the stall in the middle. This may sound counter-intuitive because if you use one of the stalls on the end, when some one joins you, there is a buffer of one stall in the middle because no one wants to sit next to you so they use the stall on the other end. But using the logic that no one wants to be next to you, by being in the middle you have cut off the use of both stalls on the end. It has always worked for me.

Voluntarily Anonymous


If you seek the blue water.. at any time in the day. Or want your private executive washroom.. ascend to the 12th floor. It has been vacant for months.

Your Boss


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