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Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Bloggers 101 

This post was initially going to be titled "Bad Bloggers 101", but I think I've begun to realize that I can't just slap a label on a group as bad simply because they are pursuing vastly different goals than I. The thought sprouted from a seed that was planted when I tried to begin a new blog (now located at and was rebuffed because someone already had all the good domain names on blogspot. So today I dedicate my post to all the following bloggers:

The Blabblers. These people seem to just like the sound of themselves typing. They aren't too concerned about making sense of their words, about the little nuisances of grammar and spelling, or about trying to put forth a coherent thought.

The Blanters. These people are sometimes related to the Blatlers, but they don't always feel the need to personally attack others. Rather, they are content to attack ideas, and believe that what everyone really wants to read is a rant about is how much they hate x or y.

The Blarkers. Like ticket scalpers squatting in line for seats they will never sit in, these people reserve a space in the blogosphere with a great name, perhaps with great intentions, but without ever making good on the promise.

The Blarters. Like the poor chap who catches his prey but lacks the energy to actually cook and eat it, these people start off with a great post or two, but never get around to updating their blog and leave the rest of us hanging.

The Blatlers. Like the two grumpy old muppets heckling from the balcony, these people rarely have any new thought to contribute, but seem to thrive on making rude and insulting comments about other people and their work.

The Blebrities. These people generate traffic to their blog and achieve notoriety in the blogosphere not based on the merit of their blogging, but on their prior celebrity status. I'd be willing to bet there are a scarce few who actually do their own writing for their blog.

The Blechies. I don't understand most of what they write, but they tend to exhibit a strong disdain for industry standards like Microsoft products and easy-to-use tools like blogger. They have posts titled "PHP-based GPG Keyring Admin" and other such nonsense.

The Bleenies. These are made up of self-professed 12-year-old pimple-faced geeks and self-professed 18-year-old hotties who are in reality just 12-year-old pimple-faced geeks, with the occasional 15-year old who acts exactly like the 12-year-old pimple faced geeks. Their posts end up looking like:
so omg i wuz like at the mall and you kwno casey (my ex-bff) was their to hook up with kev an i wuz all like whatever so she goes like omg and we were all like you know what forget it and the rofl cuz thats how i roll

The Blinkers. These are the people who spend their day mining the depths of the world wide web and feel compelled to link to their treasures. They are especially fond of this link, and here.

Links to this post

"industry standards like Microsoft products" ?

Blogs with titles such as "PHP-based GPG Keyring Admin" contain valuable information when googling about how to solve a problem, or how to go about doing something.

That's not really the kind of blog that you have, but it's still a way that valuable information gets posted on the web.


Yeah, you know what I mean. The conversation goes something like this:

"Open a new tab in your browser."

"What if I'm using Internet Explorer?"

[shock and horror in their expression] "How could you use that repulsive piece of garbage masquerading as software? You need to eradicate the memory of its existence from your machine. You should be using Webzilla's Watertrout, version"

"Well, it just came with the version of XP loaded on the machine when I got it from the company."

[utter repugnance sweeps over them] "How could you use that monopolizing greed-based platform? Don't you know that this open-source Snoopex can do everything that Windows can do? Plus it has a built-in guitar tuner and rolls cigars like a champ."

And so on and so forth. I'm not trying to pledge my allegiance to all things Microsoft, I'm just saying that they are by and large functional, work fairly consistently , and have some degree of acceptance in the working environment. They don't need to be harshly scorned. I'm open to considering alternate options, but I don't appreciate being made to feel like an embecile for using the most commonly accepted tools on the market.


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